Wolf Reintroduction Opposed By Pigs, Hoods

AVALON, CA.  April 1, 2017.  Bringing back predators can revive age old conflicts.  Efforts to reintroduce wolves in Oregon, California, and Idaho have resulted in an injunction filed in federal court in Avalon, CA.  Three porcine plaintiffs have brought suit against the US Fish and Wildlife Service to halt all reintroduction efforts.  “This ‘huff, puff and blow biology’ is a danger to our very homes,” claim the three little pigs in a pugilistic policy push back.

Joining the suit is the Association of Riding Hoods.  ARH spokesperson Rosetta Red told reporters at a press conference that wolves were a direct threat to her family, primarily because of the big teeth they have.  Also present at the press conference was Bo Peep, who was extremely concerned for the welfare of her sheep, and even now is uncertain where to find them.  Henrietta Pence from the Small Poultry Association immediately and repeatedly tweeted “the sky is falling!  Sad!”  But outside the courtroom in Avalon, supporters of wolf reintroduction called for even greater efforts to recover and protect wolves.  Belle Beauty, a representative of the Society of Beasts, pushed for inter-species harmony, stating that “wolves are misunderstood native creatures that deserve respect and room to roam.” She also noted that “those three little pigs are introduced feral swine with no standing in the case.”

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