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by Tom Kaye — last modified Mar 31, 2013
The US Department of Agriculture has announced that it is reclassifying the country’s top ten worst invaders as native species. From Kudzu to Himalayan blackberry to cheatgrass, the most troublesome species will now be considered native and desirable. The move will save government agencies, farmers, and ecological organizations millions of dollars annually in control measures and habitat restoration costs. Budget cuts have forced government agencies to reconsider the basic tenets of biological conservation. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” said a government spokesperson. The change also applies to former villains like quagga mussels, nutria and feral swine. “We’re all feeling happier already,” said one agency biologist. “Next week we’re planning to release feral swine in Yosemite National Park and plant blackberries along the Willamette River.” The changes become effective April 1, 2013.
April Fools! Just in case that wasn’t already obvious…